Track 8
Split Test Till You Drop
Crossing the Stage
About this track
It is never just one change. It is the headline, the button color, the font, the subhead, the price… and somehow you are still losing to Version B. Split Test Till You Drop is the exhausted laugh of optimization addiction — the grind that makes you want to touch grass and then run one more test.
For the builder who has A/B tested their entire personality.
For the moment you realize the data is right and you are tired.
If you said “just one more test,” this track heard you.
Player Split Test Till You Drop
Lyrics
[Verse 1]
All the small tweaks,
Headline swap freaks.
Red or blue text?
Which one converts best?
Always, I know,
Data runs the show.
Tracking, waiting,
Slowly breaking…
[Chorus]
Say it ain't so, I gotta know,
Which call-to-action makes ‘em say "go"?
Tweak the font size, change the button,
Why is Version B still losin’?
[Post-Chorus]
Na na, na na, na na, na na, na, na…
Na na, na na, I should go touch grass…
Na na, na na, na na, na na, na, na…
Na na, na na, but one more test, fast!
[Verse 2]
Late nights, brain fried,
I swapped the headline ten damn times.
Ran a poll, got bad advice,
Now I'm A/B testing my entire life.
[Chorus]
Say it ain't so, I gotta know,
Does serif or sans-serif flow?
Make the price bold, shrink the logo,
Still no clicks? WHAT THE HELL, BRO?!
[Bridge]
Maybe I should just ship the page…
Wait—no, one more test… just in case.
Just in case. Just in case. JUST IN CASE.
(Drums stop… silence… then FINAL, FULL-SEND CHORUS!)
[Final Chorus]
Say it ain't so, I gotta know,
Is it the color? The freakin’ logo?!
Tweak the subhead, shift the spacing,
WHY AM I STILL SPLIT-TESTING?!
[Outro]
Na na, na na, na na, na na, na, na…
Na na, na na… still changing one thing…
Na na, na na, na na, na na, na, na…
Na na, na na… guess I’ll just try green.