Track 14
Email Sequence Madness
Crossing the Stage
About this track
You hit send and immediately regret it. Open rates haunt you. Unsubscribes feel personal. The next email has to be perfect because the next email is the business. Email Sequence Madness is the sweaty, high-stakes spiral of follow-up — and the stubborn hope that the next subject line will land.
For the builder who lives in their email platform during launch week.
For the moment you stop chasing perfection and write something real.
If your inbox is a battlefield, you are in the right place.
Player Email Sequence Madness
Lyrics
[Intro]
Wake up! (WAKE UP!)
Got a deadline, gotta write the next one!
Subject line—make it sound amazing!
(Wait—does “amazing” even convert? Oh God—)
Whoops—
Now I wrote the wrong damn CTA,
Here we go—rewriting it all today!
[Verse 1]
Open rate is droppin’, panic’s stoppin’ my breathin’—
Click-through’s tankin’, I’M NOT SLEEPIN’!
Is it too long? Is it too short?
Do I need a GIF or a meme for support?!
[Pre-Chorus]
I don’t think they trust…
In my… automation… (WHY?!)
They’re ghostin’ my emails—
They leave me on read till I die!
[Chorus]
WHY HAVE YOU UNSUBSCRIBED FROM ME?!
IN YOUR INBOX I’M DYINGGGGGGGG!!!
WHY HAVE YOU UNSUBSCRIBED FROM ME?!
OPEN MY EMAIL… REPLY TO MEEEEEEE!!!
[Verse 2]
Split-test, re-test, subject line’s a mess!
Now it’s too SHORT—damn, now it’s too LONG!
Do I add an emoji? Do I sound too pushy?
WHY DO I EVEN WRITE THESE AT ALL?!
Gotta tell a story—WAIT, TOO MUCH BACKSTORY!
Just say the offer—BUT NOW IT FEELS BORING!
Add some humor? NO, STAY PROFESSIONAL!
SCREW IT—I’M DROPPIN’ A GIF OF A SQUIRREL!
[Final Chorus]
WHY HAVE YOU UNSUBSCRIBED FROM ME?!
IN YOUR INBOX I’M DYINGGGGGGGG!!!
WHY HAVE YOU UNSUBSCRIBED FROM ME?!
OPEN MY EMAIL… REPLY TO MEEEEEEE!!!
[Outro]
(whispers)
"Hey [FIRSTNAME], just circling back… Just checking in… Just wanted to follow up… Please… just… reply…